More Ups and Downs

So things have been really nutty around here.

The war is intensifying, and although much seems to be proceeding as normal, my being glued to US media prevents me from doing so.

Yesterday my mom took Eitan out for the morning while I was able to stay home and take care of lots of little things around the house- organizing gifts we've gotten for little Lev, general cleaning up and laundry, going through the tons of food from the bris and from shabbat that has been brought over, you know, partying. Oh, and getting some time to hang out with my little baby without being nervous that I'm making Eitan jealous.

So all was good, my mom came back, we put Eitan down for a nap, Lev was sleeping and I was sitting on the couch curled up with a book. Mommy heaven. And before I could even say how nice it all was, a siren. I jumped up, told my mom to grab the baby and run downstairs to the shelter, ran into Eitan's room, woke up my poor sleeping boy and ran downstairs myself. And we sat there the requisite 10 minutes. And came up when a neighbor said it was all clear and the rocket actually hit Palestinian territories south of Jerusalem. And the texts began- to Ami who was at work in his makeshift office on the building site, to my brothers to let them know we were okay, to Nina who was on a bus on her way over here who found out that her noise cancelling headphones actually work perfectly.

I joked that those mother-effing terrorists knew that for the first time both boys were sleeping and needed to interuppt the peace. And Nina joked that we need a siren warning for Lev's poop explosions. But it's so NOT funny that my little 10 day old baby has been in a bomb shelter twice already.

And today, this morning, with talks of a cease fire being imminent, I decided that we can't just live in fear and spent the day with Ami's parents. The plan was to go to the kibbutz they volunteered at when they were in their 20's for a visit and then spend a bit of time in Tel Aviv enjoying the city. Yes, it's a little nuts for a new mom to schlep her baby and toddler out for a day of adventure, but what else is new. Plus, we never leave the city, I knew Eitan would love the kibbutz and wanted him to have a special day amongst all the craziness that has been- between the new baby, family visits, bomb shelters, you know.

And the kibbutz was great! He saw real life cows, real life farmers and real life farmer trucks. He played in the playground and we met Jackie and Esther's adopted kibbutz mom who brought him cake and lollipops.

We headed for Tel Aviv to meet up with a Rozmaryn cousin, and while we were a few minutes away I texted my brother who works right near where we were going to see if he wanted to stop by as well and say hi to the boys. And I thought, maybe I can pawn both off on the adults for a few minutes and run into the (not so new anymore) forever 21 in the mall to get some post-baby transition clothes. And he called back saying that a bus had just blown up one block away from the mall. Oh boy. Terrifying yes. If things would have taken a few less minutes in the morning, or we had not gotten a little bit lost on the way to the kibbutz we could have been right there. I know there's always could haves, but this was too too close. And so we changed our plans, had lunch on the port, but not the relaxing afternoon of fun that we thought we were going to. I was prepared (well, prepared as much as one can be) that there might be sirens in Tel Aviv during our couple hours there, and read up on what to do if there's one while you're on the road, but a bus blowing up, well, that kind of random terror with no warning, that's too much for me.

Now we're home, after a two and a half hour drive because police were out searching all of the highways for the bus bombing perpetrators leading to traffic standstill, and I just don't know what to do next. Never leave the house again? Just go home as soon as we can get passports and the US documentation for the baby? I mean, I don't want to be the person that just goes home when the going gets tough, but also we had planned on being here a year, and then a couple extra months (now) after that once we found out little Lev was on his way, but at the same time, you know, I don't want to be an abandoner. I also don't want to  live like this. Or have my baby boys live like this- or have a mom that is a nervous wreck all the time. So we go on. We can't go anywhere now, no passport for the little guy anyways, and Hudy and Debra's wedding is five weeks away. But I want to be home, in our little apartment in DC, looking at the tree lined N street instead of worrying about Ami taking the bus home and the logistics of getting to a bomb shelter by myself with the two boys.

Here in Israel they keep saying, yihye tov, it will be all good, so what else is there to do but just go on, suck it up and live one day at a time. Meanwhile, it seems that a cease fire is being announced now  and both sides are getting in final attacks. I don't know what a cease fire really means, and what it means for the cycle of violence, but I'm going to be optimistic and hope that tomorrow is better then today.

Meanwhile, friends, we miss you, and appreciate all of the check ins, facebook messages and emails...